I have always identified as a confident introvert. Until this week that is when, out on a run, I had a sudden thought that perhaps I am actually a shy extrovert. This thought rattled me more than I expected and has led me down a bit of a rabbit hole since.

Let’s back up a little bit and grab some pop-psychology definitions: introverts get their energy from themselves, and extroverts get their energy from others. This is often muddied up with confidence or being outgoing, but you can have confident introverts (like me or so I thought) or quiet extroverts.

I can definitely be shy - although I would only recently describe it in these terms, I have anxiety around people I do not know, especially in the lead up and in the replay afterwards. It is not debilitating - I have got over it whilst building my former business (every customer is a stranger to start with!) and giving presentations and talks at customer conferences and universities. Indeed, I can often come across as both confident and outgoing. There have been times however that I feel like it has held me back, particularly outside of work when social situations can be avoided - skipping post-conference drinks when I do not know anyone, making excuses to not join any groups or not being able to start new friendships.

It has been easy to attribute this avoidance to (or blame it on) being an introvert - I would go to the board game group meet up but I am too ‘peopled out’ - I need to rest etc. And I do like my own space and time, and I do find it restorative… at face value I am an introvert… except…

Energy. If we come back to energy, things get a bit murkier. As part of this fallow season I am enjoying (my adult gap-year?!) I have been doing a lot of work looking at what makes me tick. What do I truly enjoy doing? What energises me? Surprisingly I have discovered (or admitted) that it features people - I feel energised coming back from a day spent playing board games with friends, or after (some) Teams meetings with colleagues, and I enjoy working a room of customers at a customer forum. I also find myself going to the pub with a book to soak up the atmosphere. This behaviour does not match how I see other introverts describe themselves.

Have I misdiagnosed myself? Am I really an extrovert? The panic at the original thought that I might be a shy extrovert was both a reaction to the acknowledgment of the impact of my shyness, but also a reaction against being an extrovert. It is not a label that fits - not because I am not used to it, but because I do often feel like an introvert. I do not like small talk, I can spend an entire day in deep focus mode, I often need time on my own to recharge. I am both!

In what seems relatively obvious in hindsight, introversion / extroversion is a spectrum, and indeed there is a word for having traits of both - ‘Ambivert’. Basically, an ambivert’s energy comes from both people and self, depending on the specific circumstances (who, where, why etc). Equally, what drains them will also depend on the specific circumstances. As a label this fits better. I need time to sit with it but it should help me better understand who I am and how I work.

It also helps shine a big light on my shyness - this is an area I have already been working on (most recently reading ‘The Subtle Art of Not Giving A Fuck’). Acknowledging that being around people is more important to me than I had believed highlights this absolutely should be an area of focus. My shyness is also arguably holding me back from various ideas I have percolating.

A man wearing a blue jacket and a yellow safety vest is smiling widely next to a large red foam finger.